When we talk about narcissists often the image comes as someone selfish who loves to be the centre of everyone’s universe, charming and often manipulative which attracts people. When we talk about this type of narcissist, these types of narcissists are “grandiose” narcissists. The type, which we have learned about. But in recent studies, there is another type of narcissist that doesn’t fit the image of the narcissist itself. In this blog, we will discover how to find the vulnerable narcissist in a relationship.
About Vulnerable Narcissist
If you have ever been with any narcissist before you may know that the ego of any narcissist is very fragile but a vulnerable narcissist is very different from the traditional narcissist. They are typically more emotionally vulnerable even though these personalities do have the traits of traditional narcissists, but they are not the life of the party. They tend to be shy. Unlike grandiose narcissists, this type does not wear their narcissism on their sleeve but they act superior and emotionally distant. They fear rejection and when they get rejected, it creates a deeper impact on the vulnerable narcissist.
Causes of Vulnerable Narcissism
There can be a lot of reasons and slowly researchers are finding more reasons but the studies have found till now that, this can happen due to childhood trauma, or sexual exploitation. Genetics can play a role too. The brain develops this kind of behaviour when it is surrounded by a manipulative family. The lack of balance and stability in Internal homeostasis can become disrupted, resulting in a variety of mental health issues, including narcissism and susceptible narcissism.
Brain scans of people with narcissistic personality disorder revealed reduced grey matter in the area of the brain that controls cognitive and emotional regulation, including empathy and compassion, two attributes that are frequently lacking in narcissists.
How to detect a vulnerable narcissist in a relationship
They prioritize themselves
When it comes to a relationship, vulnerable narcissists will always keep themselves first. Although it is not a problem to prioritize yourself, the vulnerable narcissists can be very self-absorbed and you have to meet their needs and your needs can be ignored. They crave love and affection but they may not be able to provide you with the same which makes the relationship difficult with a vulnerable narcissist.
Emotionally Demanding
When you are dating a vulnerable narcissist, it can be very draining because they are very demanding. An emotionally demanding vulnerable narcissist will need constant attention, and reassurance and they need you to adore them and it is a full-time job without any retirement.
Manipulative
Manipulation is one of the traits which you will find in narcissists, in these ways. Being with a vulnerable narcissist can be an interesting, passionate, and intense experience. They are someone who will tell you how much they love you. Their words are coated with honey which can lure anyone but even if they make you feel valued, there can be times when the partner can withhold love and affection if you don’t agree with them. They can use phrases that can affect you like, “I know you don’t care” or “I know you don’t love me.” These are some underhand methods where they will try to emotionally manipulate you so that things work their way.
Highly sensitive to criticism
Vulnerable narcissists are very self terrified so even if you make any comment which is completely justified there can be an emotional outburst. The criticism can easily hurt their feelings and this can lead to shutting down or they can easily lash out at you. They are not usually unable to identify if they are hurting anyone’s feelings and often want others to soothe their emotions which creates difficulties for others.
How to deal with Vulnerable Narcissists?
When it comes to dealing with a Vulnerable narcissist we know it can be difficult as you have to filter whatever you say. The vulnerable narcissists will take as much as you give them and will expect you to not ask for the same.
Here are some tips which might help you in dealing with Vulnerable narcissists –
Set up Boundaries
It is very important to set up boundaries in any romantic or platonic relationship. You need to understand that the narcissist will push your limits with their actions and words and there will be times when you won’t set any boundaries because according to you, it may seem unfair to your partner but if you won’t set boundaries on your giving nature, they will take advantage.
Don’t soothe their ego too much
If you don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings I can completely understand but don’t make a fool of yourself out of love. Soothing their or anyone’s ego at the expense of your feelings won’t let them realise your efforts. If only you show up when they need you it will become a cycle where only you have to understand their ego and feelings.
No second chances
Since these people are manipulative, they look for second or third chances. When they feel that they will lose the attention and emotions they get from you they will make sure to stick around and make you realise that they have changed but once you fall for the trap, the cycle of narcissistic abuse will start.
What can be done?
If your partner is a vulnerable narcissist, you need to take them to therapy as they won’t listen to you. Though, it might be difficult to find a perfect therapist as people have less self-awareness when it comes to narcissism. There are very few people who even know that NPD (Narcissist personality disorder) is a real deal and sometimes, the person who is a narcissist doesn’t have any idea about themselves. You can always seek online therapists but it is better to get diagnosed before everything gets out of your hand.
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